Y9:35 PM
ah i hate my stupid cca. it's not like ncc or angklung ensemb. its so duh. once again the higher authority cheated my feelings. i tried so hard, worked so hard, attended trainings without a miss, and tell me who got to be the excos? some frigging bunch of people (most whom you've hardly ever seen during trainings) piece of crap i tell you. though certain people deserve their posts and i'm damn happy they got their posts. but let's just say it's so cina populated it's almost bias. out of 15, only 3 are malays? talk about wtf, thats what the knnccbf. but some bugger shit people whom everyone has hardly ever seen attend the stupid trainings became part of the exco. like, what sense does that make? it's the lamest crap i've ever dealt with. yea so now only the 'excos' can hang out together. only the 'excos' can use the stupid room. why not make this a happy united cca? just like ncc, why cant it be so united that ranks and posts dont matter much? what, so now it's only 'the excos'. yes of course i feel hurt, it's like i have not gotten my share. i view life simply and in a straight forward manner. i work hard, and i might get it. i work very hard, and the chances are higher. and if i work really really really doubly triply hard, i am sure to get it. aye, perhaps i shudnt have worked hard at all cos this seems to be a twisted illusion. or should i say, a piece of crap.
i miss secondary school life where everything was such a bliss. like wow olevels was the big shit. olevels was one of the best things ive ever sat for. because the preparations, the four years, were the best things tt ever happened in my life. and im proud to say i was from ncc land girls and angklung ensemble. the people were great, the atmosphere was awesome, less tensed, less competitive, less 'hostile'. now, everythings like everywhere. everyone competes, i must be better than you, or whatever, i must be best. things are so complicatedly intertwined with all sorts of stupid mixed factors. it annoys me that i cannot make things out anymore. math is difficult, chemistry is no longer easy peasy, english is no longer a favourite considering the fact that i failed my stupid gp essay, and econs is just.. well.. getting a whee bit better but everything else overweighs that one measly H1 pass. it's quite depressing, tho i dont think its that a strong word anymore. so frustrating. the best thing is, however i try to explain to my close friends, i know they try to understand, but they just cant. and that kinda sucks cos i end up feeling like a piece of crap and continue with school in such bad state of mind. i dont understand why i have to study so hard. everytime i blog, it's always about me and my school problems. i have issues i realise. and that does not bother me. now i'm actually starting to worry.
nevertheless, i hope i'm selected for overseas cip to vietnam. though, theyll very much reject me once reading this entry. thank god it's not bedok view, where a pool of gossip bitches are. thank god. argh, i shud have joined tennis. ive always wanted to join tennis(as in recently lol not exactly alwayssssssssssssss but recently). a bit too late cos the rules in my sch is tt there shudnt be any changes in ccas. unless if i retain. right. so im checking out tennis classes outside. obviously theres a need to pay but i guess itll be worth it. tennis wud be an awesome stress reliever. i've lost touch with the guitar so i had my brother to teach me two days ago. it just struck me how fun it is to strum the guitar. i used an electric guitar for my first lesson with my brother, isnt that awesome. ahhahaa, thats bcos my brother just bought another one. there are currently four guitars in the room and its insane i swear, i'm really keen on learning how to play the guitar. ah, im feeling so shitty i need coke and i want to bake. life rocks with coke an brownies. and maybe even pasta.
